Friday, March 27, 2009
I tend not to count points on drinks, yes I know bad me. I just think that since its liquid it shouldn't count. I don't normally drink anything with lots of calories or with regular sugar. I do not know if my weight loss would happen quicker if I counted them or not since I don't drink them often but oh well.
I don't count Friday weigh in since it is at home and not at my WW meeting but I am definitely looking forward to Tuesday, unless of course the Starbucks lunch catches up but we shall just have to wait and see.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I knew we would not have time at home for dinner plus Izzy has been bugging us about how she NEVER gets to go to McDonald's. I was very careful of what I ate all day that way I would have enough points for a mini meal. That's the only bad thing I had for the day but it was also soo good because I never eat my own fries. I always take one or two from someone else, just so I don't feel deprived.
So let me tell you about the dream I had last night. Very bizarre. Randy and I were in some big warehouse with a bunch of bakers. We were tasting cupcakes for the wedding. Then my scenery changes and we are at home with a thing of cupcakes on the table. Izzy is eating one, Randy is eating one. Wade was not in the room but I am sure he was eating one as well. I go into sneaky mode. Looking for a way to snatch one up and stuff it in my mouth. Randy disappears into the bathroom. And stuff is what I did. I am not kidding! I have never done this in life but in my dream I was over at the kitchen sink stuffing it in my mouth. I heard Randy come down the hallway so I take the rest of this delicious devilish cupcake and hide it under the dishes in the sink and pretend to be cleaning. LOL, I of course have frosting all over my face. Luckily I then woke up but I felt very guilty.
Anyone else out there want to share a weird food dream?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My eating for the last week was pretty good though I didn't track for 2 of the days. I bought a 3 month journal hoping that will make me commit to tracking EVERY day.
I had a very hard day at work yesterday. Back in Sept the Office Manager quit and I had to take on his job as well as mine. I was the Assistant to the Sales/Estimator Manager, my new title is Administrative Assistant. Funny how when you are a male you are the Office Manager and when you are a female you are an Assistant. Anyways, there was no training for me I was just thrown into it and everyone acts like I should know this stuff. I didn't of course. I never did accounting, P.O.'s or any of that kind of stuff before. I don't mind learning as I go but geez louise man how do you learn 3 different jobs plus still do the original one you were hired for at one time. I am just getting very frustrated with them, they of course are all male and I am the only female. Every one's problem is more important then the other persons problem, these guys are worse them women! I started here 2 years ago because my fiance Randy needed an assistant so I left my job of 9 years to come work in hell, and I am not exaggerating. He left for a better job last May (I think its was May), I am not going to complain about that cause he makes more money and is happier there, and well the more money he makes the more money in our pockets.
I am lucky enough to have a schedule that I like though. I work from 6am to 2pm (though it seems I never get to have a break). This way my daughter doesn't not need to be in daycare. I am able to leave work and pick her up when there is an early release and she can come to work with me. And this is why I stay here well and I get good money. If I left I would have to settle for about $2-3 less, work a normal schedule and she would have to be in daycare which would mean more money out of our pockets. Not good when you just bought a house and are planning a wedding. So I stay and blog about it! At least I didn't binge last night after my crazy day. One day at a time, that's what I keep telling myself.
I use to remember things very well and could handle chaotic environments but working here is just insane and will make you feel incompetent and you should be flipping burgers instead. I really wish I could tap my shoes together and be an Admin. Assistant for a place that has something to do with fashion or even something to do with the community. I know those are weird combos. I LOVE fashion and I LOVE helping people.
Whew I feel better after all that typing "complaining" about work, real stress reliever. Tonight we take Izzy to race her car at the track, hopefully she doesn't yell "I'm a horsey" and embarrass Randy again. LOL, I am use to kids doing silly things but he doesn't know how to handle it yet.
Happy hump day! :)
Monday, March 23, 2009
Binging, yes it was a close call. I was very hunger this afternoon when I got home and had a bowl of cereal telling myself that I will just have a little bit of chicken and veggies for dinner. Sounds good uh? Well it was but I also had a few bites of the pasta I made for everyone else. I also made Texas Toast but not thinking I made one for myself. So I had this extra piece floating around the kitchen and I tried to pass it off. Randy was no help he still had his piece to eat. My son already had a piece but said sure I will take it but then proceeded to feed it to the dogs. But I guess its better then me eating it.
Why the panic over 1 piece of bread? Let me explain what could have gone down..
Everyone is in their room. I am in the kitchen ALONE, washing dishes, cleaning the counters, putting the left over food away. I come upon the one piece of bread left untouched. I start thinking to myself that I didn't have any. I feel kind of unsatisfied so I eat it. I then start to feel bad but yet I feel like I need something sweet so I grab a 60 cal pudding. Then I go to bed feeling like crud, not understanding what my deal is.
What did happen?
I stood in the kitchen trying to get someone to eat the stupid bread. Dogs got lucky. Randy and my son stood there not understanding why I am freaking out over bread. they leave, I clean the kitchen. Make a cup of tea and here I am. Good right? Yes, I do feel good about that but I don't feel good that I am afraid of a piece of Texas Toast. How lame is that? I hope I am not alone.
Randy of course doesn't understand. While I am trying to stuff the bread down his throat he asked "If you don't/cant or want to eat it why cant you just leave it there"? Good question. I don't know. I think I have told myself NO for to long that it doesn't click that yes I can have this item of food if I can make it work with my program. Which is weird because I do allow myself things like 60 cal pudding, good granola bars and my weekend chai latte. So if I CAN have these things then why do I still feel deprived? I just don't understand. I am hoping maybe someone (other then Randy, yes you) out there has or is going through the same thing or maybe understand what I am trying to say. Sometimes what I want to say doesn't always come out the way I meant for it to.
After spell checking and previewing my post I noticed that all my breads (which just happened again) were actually spelled break. Could this be my unconscious side saying I need to give myself a break?? OR it could just be the lighting and the fact that some of the letters on the keyboard are rubbed off. :)
So now I will finish my yummy raspberry tea and then run for the bedroom :)
Sunday, March 22, 2009
In reference to my last blog. I we did not go to the climbing gym on Friday and we did drink wine and watch a movie. We rented Australia which is a great movie, if you have not seen it you should.
Saturday Randy took his road bike back to the shop where we bought them a year ago. His was to small. He was lucky and they gave him some money back for his bike and helped him pick a new one out. It didn't rain Saturday so we rode 10 miles. I suck and said that's good lets go back. I enjoy riding but get a little scared I am going to fall. This is why I do not have clip in shoes yet.
Sunday we were going to go to the climbing gym but they were all booked up so we will reserve a spot next weekend. I have decided to start knitting. I bought the basic items but my book I bought doesn't help much so I guess I will have to find a web site.
I had a very awkward moment at the craft store. I didn't know what I was doing so I asked the lady in the same isle, she was a young hip looking Asian lady and she looked like she knew what she was doing. I said to her "Hi can I ask you something?" she shook her head and I said "Do you knit?" She shook her head and mumbled something under her breath. I don't know if she doesn't speak English and that's why she did that or maybe she thought I was some crazy wacko trying to solicit something to her or what. But I avoided that area till I knew she was gone. I felt very uncomfortable after that and most likely wont try to ask a fellow customer for help.
Oh and I am very happy to announce we have chosen our venue. We are going to have the ceremony and reception at The Georgetown Ballroom. I feel like a lot of the planning stress is lifted off my shoulders now. I can figure out the decor and start making them. I have a lot of ideas but I felt I could not get to excited about any one thing. The decor depends alot on where you have it, so I have learned. Some places don't allow candles, some don't allow balloons and so on. One great thing is it is right around the corner from my work so I can run over there anytime, well OK, when Jerry lets me. Jerry is the super cool owner of the GB.
Now its time to go get ready for Monday. Have a fabulous night!
Friday, March 20, 2009
We tried talking my son into going but he insists that hanging from a rope is not his thing but at least we offered right? My daughter on the other hand is more then willing to try it. Of course the last time we tried to get her to go up the rock at REI she was all for it till it was time to put the rope on, lol. I am hoping by seeing us up there it will help her over come her fear.
I did pretty good on eating today. No sneaky bites and I even went to the gym this morning.
For the remainder of the afternoon I will be drinking tea and working on some more wedding favor boxes.
Until next time! :)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
So instead of trying to feed the monster I finished 5 of 60-70 wedding favors that I am making. I wanted something different, something from the heart. I mean how many people take home wedding favors and think to themselves "What am I going to do with this"? Our friend Amy and her hubby gave out a CD with their wedding songs, that was cool but I didn't want to copy them. I also didn't want to give out something with our name and date all over it. That might be good for our parents but I don't think our friends want to display it in their house.
This is what I decided to do. I like to paint little wooden boxes. I have made a few for friends and they seemed to love them. Of course I get better the more I make them, which has not been lately. Randy thinks I should go one step further and make my own boxes but that is a bit to much work and we don't have a shop. Right now both of us are using our tiny dining room as the shop (he is building a glider).
Here are some pictures. Sorry if they are not that great. I had to use my cell phone since little miss Izzy dropped my camera.
I take a plain box like the one below and take off the latch, makes sanding and painting a lot easier. Sand it to make it nice and smooth. Wipe it off with a cotton cloth then a tack cloth. Then paint and seal it. The seal gives them a nice shine.
What are those on top you say? I am glad to asked. Those are mini chalkboards. We will write our names and date on them then the guests can wipe them off at home. This way they can have a keepsake that does not display our info but they can write whatever they want. Excuse the glue it is not dry yet.
I wish the pictures came out better. They really are nice looking. They are a mocha brown with splashes of green. We are going for a earthy outdoorsy type wedding. This is the back.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
1. Secret eating
2. Going to the climbing gym (followed by)
3. Going to the regular gym Monday and Tuesday morning (followed by)
4. Working at home with my tiny hand weights before going to my meeting (followed by)
5. My muscles swell when I am at all active
6. Drinking way more tea then needed
7. And of course not keeping track of my points
8. All of the above
My friend that I go to meetings with also has a had time jounaling so this week we have vowed to check with each other everyday to make sure we are tracking. The only excuse I am going to let myself have is number 7, because number 1 would not have happened if I did and 2 thru 5 are just silly. Being active is better then not, correct? And as for number 6? I will just have to not drink 4 cups of tea from 3pm to 5:30pm on Tuesdays.
Monday, March 16, 2009
I feel like I want to focus, really focus on being active this week. It most likely is the climbing gym's fault. We shall see if I drag my butt out the door tomorrow morning.
I ate pretty good so far today. But when I got home I was starving and when that happens I tend to secretly binge. Of course that's not a secret now since Randy knows I started blogging. I decided I would have a South Beach Diet Bar (2 pts) and an orange. I normally wait for my daughter to get home from school to have snack time but I was very very hungry. So I am sure you know what happened. Yes that's right, I ate 2 trader Joe cookies (3 pts). I know this is not bad but it could have been. I stopped myself before I could eat more, so I had my orange and no SB bar.
I have a hard time journaling. I tend to tell myself I will write it later but then I don't. That always turns out bad because I will snack to many times. I have learned I am a secret closet binge eater (kinda). I say kinda because it normally doesn't effect my weight by large amounts and I don't eat till I feel sick. What I do do is this:
Grab gold fish crackers. About half a handful. Eat them.
Decide that's not what I wanted.
Find something sweet, a cookie or SF pudding or a granola bar.
Um, still not quite right. Maybe a small bowl of cereal w/ soy milk.
This can go on for a bit till I realize what I am doing and find something else to keep me busy. I realize why I am doing this, there are 2 reasons:
B. I am missing something important during the day (food wise)
So here is what my day to day at work food plan looks like:
6am: English muffin or oatmeal (2-3pts)
9am Fruit cup (1pt)
10am Carrots and celery (0pts) w/ ff dressing (2pts)
12pm 3 slices of turkey lunch meat, string cheese, soup (3-4pts)
2-3pm depends on whats going. If I am being good I will eat just one item of food (3-4pts)
5-6pm Dinner. Usually chicken and veggies for me (5-6pts). And if I feel I have been good SF pudding (1pt).
Now I am sure this might look like an OK day but its not normal because I will sneak food, food I don't want people watching me eat. It might be all in my mind but if i sit down with something sweet (even if its low in pts/calories) and Randy is near by I feel like he is thinking "why is she eating that? Does she not care about getting fat, I thought she was trying to loose weight".
Yes, I know I have issues.
Today was different. I have my blog. So I am blogging instead of eating and it is making me have to stop and think "why am I doing this"? So WHY am I trying to binge this time? I feel hungry, can you believe that? LOL I feel hungry. No stress, no sadness or loneliness, just hungry. Did my orange satisfy me? Um that's a negative but I am sure a cup of tea will help.That is what I am going to go do.
Sit back, drink a cup of tea and read come blogs.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
My WW leader last week told us about a trip she took to California to visit some friends. She just had her first baby about a year ago and she was worried about hanging around the beach in her bathing suit. Her friends were both very fit people and they were self conscience as well. So there you have it no matter how fit you are you must learn to work through your metal issues you have with yourself.
I plan on continue the rock climbing because it was hella fun and lets face it, it burns TONS of calories. We of course forgot our camera so I have no pictures, which sucks cause I made it to the top a couple of times. Granted my instructor was telling me to stop having a fit and get to the top or he was not letting me down.
Hope everyone else is having a kick ass weekend!
Friday, March 13, 2009
I call this one the REI Picture. Izzy with all her gear. This was her first backpacking trip. 2.5 miles.
Randy's dad (71yrs), me, Randy and Izzy (7yrs). This was Randy's dad and Izzy first climb of Mt. Si.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Randy took her back to the track 2 weeks ago to find the place had shut down. You can imagine how disappointed she was. Seems that most of the tracks are disappearing. There use to be a couple 10 mins from where we live and this latest one was about a 45 min drive. Randy did some looking around online and found one in Tacoma which is an hour away. Lucky he found a web site and asked if there were any places he didn't know about. Turns out the place that shut down was now running out of a hanger about 15 mins away from home. Of course its on Wednesdays because the hanger gets rented out and is always booked. They got there last night about the time they were setting up. She got to drive it around and found another kid to crash cars with. Of course by the time the set up was done it was time for bed.
At that point you have to hear about how unfair it is. Its not really bedtime because its still light out. Don't even try to explain Daylights Saving to them. Any who how here is a couple of pics of Izzys cooper and her as well. (The Mini does not have stickers applied yet).
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I am a 32 years old mother of 2 kids, my son is 16 and my daughter is 7. Yes, I know I had my son at a young age, I was there after all and don't need anyone pointing that out to me. Even though I have 2 of my own I can feel my clock a ticking. My Fiance would like one of his own. I don't mind having more but at the same time I am enjoying life and don't know if I want to go through that stage again. Then there is the fact that I am working so hard to get to my goal weight that I don't want to screw it all up. That might seem selfish to some people but if you have been working so hard for so long wouldn't you be selfish as well??
Randy proposed on Christmas 2008. We had gone to a friends wedding is Sept. and I of course caught her bouquet. We choose March 13th 2010 as our wedding date. Its the month we met and the closest weekend to the date. We are paying for the wedding ourselves so that's why its in 2010. He would like to get married on top of a mountain but not many of our loved ones would be able to or want to make it. I have been waiting a what feels like a life time for my man in shining armor and want my moment that most girls grow up wanting. I am a little wacky and a little different but I still want to be "The Bride".
I have been on the "diet planet" since my early 20's. When I think back to that time I cant believe I thought I was overweight. I must have been around 130lbs (I am 5'3) and I always wore skirts and BIG shirts to hide my body. I didn't wear or own jeans till my late 20's. In 1999 a co-worker and close friend started Weight Watchers and it was working so I had her buy me the kit and I did it on my own. I lost 15 pounds then found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I was very careful with my weight gain with her. I was 175lbs and topped off at 216 in the end. Of course I continued to gain after wards. It wasn't till her first Christmas that I noticed, it was a picture of me holding her on my hip by the tree. It was a complete shock to me. Even though I have always struggled with weight issues, it was just a bit to much from me. At my heaviest weight 230lbs it was time to get a handle of myself. I started walking and eating better. I even joined Curves. By summer of 2002 I had only gone down to 223lbs. I wasn't getting the results I wanted so I quit Curves and started going to WW meetings. I figured I could always walk and exercise at home.
By Summer 2003 I was down to 175lbs. March 2004 when I met my Fiance Randy on Match.com I weighed as much as he did 165lbs. Of course I was happy and indulged in Strawberry pancakes with whip cream and all alongside him. Every weekend we would do this. It was soo bad yet soo good. By Fall of 2004 I was 185lbs. We joined a gym. I wanted to get smaller and he wanted to get bigger. Its a bit fuzzy from there. I know I went up and down alot. We started doing a lot of hiking and snowboarding which I never did before so I am sure my body was confused.
End of 2006 I got to 154lbs my lowest that I could remember since my early 20's. Then 1/07 we joined a group called Mountaineers and took their Alpine Scramble course. Randy likes to eat a big hardy meal the night before a scramble then of course after wards the group wants to go out for pizza. Combine that with trail mix and you have a 21lbs gain. So by the summer I was up to 175lbs. Yes I was active but tell my brain that and all it sees is the scale and the fact that some of my clothes are not fitting the same. OK, this is taking longer then I thought so I am going to shorten this year. It took till 1/08 to get down to 171lbs. I took a look at what I was eating and cut my calories a little bit and was more careful with what I was eating when we were hiking/backpacking. It starting working and by 6/08 I was down to 165lbs.
The end of July 2008 I stuck to my guns and added more time at the gym. Because I go in the late afternoon with Randy all he focuses on is upper body and by the time we are done with that I don't have time for my lower half, which lets face it, its what needs the work. I normally get up at 4am and spend 25-30 mins doing cardio on the treadmill or elliptical then I rotate days between legs and abs. Now mind you this doesn't always happen because face it if it did I would already be fit and at goal. I start work at 6am and get off at 2pm that way my daughter doesn't have to be in daycare. We do homework and chores. Make dinner then off to the gym at 5pm for upper body stuff. Then home to reheat dinner, baths and bed. I try to be in bed between 7:30 and 8pm. I do the morning thing cause its the only time available and I need it for me, its "My time". So as of today I am 151lbs. However every 8-10 pounds I plateau and that's what I am having to work through now. When Winter hit I starting running with my dog so I wouldn't have to wait for the car to heat up to go to the gym but now its WAY to cold to run.
The start of 2009 we quit smoking and by Feb. I was up to 159.4lbs. I talked my maid of honor into going to WW meetings with me but it would have to be when we got back from Vegas (my sister lives there). Of course we thought we could play the "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" game and smoke while we were there, didnt work. When we got back my MOH and I started WW's again on 2/10/09. As of today I have lost 7.6 of what I gained. Now here is there tickler. I quit smoking tomorrow and am afraid that I will gain again. So stay tunes and maybe some of you can give me some tips.
Oh and for those of you who made it through all of my babble and are curious about my once skinny man who wanted to get bigger. He made it to 200lbs (if you remember he was 165) he cont to gain muscle but of course came the weight. When he gets stressed he doesn't eat like he needs to and will lose but then start putting on fat. LOL so not only do I deal with my issues I have to listen to his. He says he is skinny but fat. I think he looks great though. Enough said for now. I sure hope someone made it through my blog. :) Thanks for listening and I hope to cont. blogging and reading all the great blogs of others. Oh boy am I nervous about posting my blog but here I go! :)